Impeccable Tempering

I am no Alton Brown.

I do not carry a seed of nutmeg strung around my neck,

Nor have I ever deep fried a Thanksgiving turkey.

I do not own a collection of dishers of various sizes.

I steal recipes from him though,

once butchered a chicken while following his instructions on tv:

I did not use the same boning knife I saw on the screen

and I did not have a bath of buttermilk waiting for my bird once I had finished.

I wasn't planning on frying it, after all:

I can never figure out what to do with all that leftover oil.

They never show that part on TV.

Dessert was crème brûlée,

Though my utensils did not have my name on them, and

I most certainly did not see a camera mounted in the back of my oven.

I know the eggs I used were comparable, however,

And my tempering technique was impeccable.

The egg yolks most definitely did not scramble

and the hot water bath I used could not have been that different.

Our oven temperatures were the same, I'm sure.

My torch wasn't nearly as fancy,

Even if I did make my own vanilla infused sugar.